What followed was seven years of what I now call the parade.
Everyone in a white coat got their turn.
Physical therapy: 14 weeks, three mornings a week. The therapist was excellent, the exercises were right. My back got worse anyway. She told me some people just don't respond. I was one of them.
Chiropractic: Twice a week for five months. Lovely man. I'd walk out feeling wonderful for two hours. By the time I got home it was creeping back. I stopped when I did the math — $3,000 for maybe fifty hours of relief.
Pain management: Three epidurals over 16 months. The first was extraordinary — seven weeks where I felt like a person. The second gave me three. The third gave me nothing. They offered a fourth. I declined.
Gabapentin: Foggy. Eighteen pounds on. I'd lose words mid-sentence in front of my grandchildren. And I still had the pain. Just pain plus fog.
Tylenol, Aleve, whatever was in the cabinet: You know exactly what I mean.
A TENS unit my son-in-law ordered: Tingling on the surface. Pleasant while it ran. The second I switched it off, everything came straight back — and the pads quit after a fortnight.
A $400 nerve stimulator, the serious kind: This is the one that broke me. Sticky pads either side of the spine — which means reaching behind your own back, blind, to the exact spot that can't make that movement.
My husband had to do it. Every session. And the contraction was a flutter. Nothing like the videos. I turned it up until it was unpleasant and still felt nothing happening underneath. Nine weeks. Then the drawer.
A copper-lined brace: Made my back sweat, and my muscles lazier for wearing it.
Inversion table: Terrifying. Wrecked my hips. Did nothing.
Yoga and aquatic therapy: A year, most mornings. I got more flexible everywhere except where I needed it.
By late 2022, I was scheduled for fusion.
Surgery was the last thing left.
My surgeon — a good man, I still believe that — told me there was a "very good chance" of resolving it.
I had the operation in March 2023.
I woke up hopeful.
For about four months.